How do tell children about death?

What a morbid thing to think about but it has to be addressed. In the past five years we have had an Uncle and my father-law and also a grandmother die. The most profound passing was the Uncle. You see, he lived in our house with us for a year and then at a nursing home for another year. We took the children to the nursing home every week, sometimes twice a week. When Uncle’s health started deteriorating and we knew in a matter of days we’d lose him I took the children to visit him. I remember putting my grief aside and explaining to the children what to expect. He was unable to sit up and talk to them. They were to go in the room and tell him that they loved him and exit the room so he could get some rest. My children were ten, three and one at the time. The ten year old understood that death was final but the three year old tried to understand. We are a very spiritual family and my beliefs really drive how I deal with my children. The three year old wanted to know if she could go to heaven to visit Uncle and then come back. I think my explanation was flimsy back then but I am working on it.

I believe that children need to be given the vocabulary needed to handle the death of family member. Words like passed on, went to sleep don’t mean anything to preschoolers. So as far as the youngest children go -- the one, three and five year old, I will not say anything until its eminent. As for now we are praying for her to feel better. The older 12 year old has a better understanding; he lost a classmate a year ago.