Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Life is a Series of Emergencies..


One of the hardest lessons I had to learn about being a Stay (work) AT Home Mom is dealing with the unpredictability. Last night I had my evening and day (today) all mapped out, down to what time I was going to do the laundry and how many words I would write to finish my writing assignment. It all changed. If this was year ago I would have been upset because nothing ever goes according to plan. The day I accepted that my life is a series of emergencies, which each passing moment of my day is managing… My got easier. Case in point, I am way behind in writing, in my personal correspondence and in general my weekly goals… yesterday and today were my make up days. Last night however I got a phone call from a friend. She has 4 kids (like I have), her 2 year old was very sick and they had to take her to the doctor. She took her youngest who is 4months old. The oldest two (5 and 8 year old) were at the sitters after school. While at the Doctors they found out that the 2 year old was seriously ill and had to be transported 2 hours away to a Children’s Hospital. AT 8 pm she calls me distraught wanting me to pick her kids from the sitters. SO last night there are 6 kids here. Then her 5 year old got sick- puking sick making for a long sleepless night. To cut the story short, she stayed home from school. I expect the children to be here another night or two and I expect my kids to start puking too. As for the 2 year old they suspect meningitis. She is having seizures and can’t use her legs. Please put her in your thoughts. Like I said a series of emergencies..

Monday, February 27, 2006

I love Kitchen gadgets



I love kitchen gadgets and collect them religiously. A few years ago I was shopping at a second hand barn. Mr. D the proprietor has long since retired. But let me get back to the point. Mr. D. used to buy out estates at discount prices and sold the pieces individually at his barn. It was a treasure trove of old fashioned kitchen gadgets. One day I came across this gadget and I knew I had to have it. I had NO idea what it was for. After serious contemplation and discussion with Mr. D- who buy the way is a young 70 years old, we decided it must be a gadget to remove boiled eggs from hot water. For years that is what I used it for. Turns out it is a meatballer. I saw it in the Chef’s catalogue with a $10 price tag! I was so excited!

Walking in Freezer cold.. and Africa Hot



Today is one of those dreadfully cold days. I got up an the mercury registered ZERO F! (-18C for my friends across the ocean) and it was windy.. so we start talking about wind chill. It has warmed up some it is now 14F (-10 C). I ventured out today, I went to walmart. I was shopping for an easel couldn't find one. My 3 year old has resorted to wrting on the walls, i figured an easel will keep her busy. SO now I am watching a couple on ebay.

People always ask me how I survive the winter... being from Africa and all. February is one of the hotest months in Nairobi but it has been a while since I was home but there are some thing I remember.. I remember the dry noon heat. The sun directly over head, you look down and you barely cast a shadow. It used to get so hot that sometimes the tarmac melted and my rubber slippers stuck to it. The dusty dusty playing fields spotted with mini dust tornades. I remember hand washing the family laundry in the morning and the clothes drying in an hour.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

A thought about Mothers

Last night I watched as Apollo Ohno won his second and third medal of the Winter Olympic Games. I had to smile; the joy on his face was contagious. As he skated and embraced his mother in a tight hug I wondered whose joy was more overwhelming. The child at his accomplishment, or the mother at her son’s success. I firmly believe his mother’s joy was greater. Mothers are a unique breed of women that are have a strong and quiet strength. Tiger Woods mom, quiet and supportive. Fading quietly and silently into the background of her son’s success. Well some times the mothers are not as quiet. For example Shani Davis’s mother (the African American speed skater) has somehow managed to alienate her son from the skating world in an attempt to protect him and elevate his skating career by speaking out. I started wondering, what about Bode Miller’s Mom. Bode Miller comes from a colorful background, his parents were hippies who retired from the world and passed on their free spirit to their son. Were they in Italy cheering on their son? Silent and supportive?

There is however one mother who stands out head and shoulder above the rest in her support and in her quiet pain for her only son. This mother watched her son tortured and killed right before her eyes and did nothing. She had such an indescribable volume of trust and faith in her son. That mother is Our Lady Mary, so full of Grace. Have a Blessed Sunday everyone

Friday, February 24, 2006

These are troubling times my friends...

Let me climb on my soap box for a minute here… I am extremely troubled by the times we live in. Explicitly, I am extremely troubled by some people’s lack of respect for others. I always thought we have comfortably moved out of the dark ages... But I was sadly mistaken. Some of us are still flailing around in the dark… trying to find meaning in our minuscule existence by finding ways to minimize our inequities. We do so by creating our own visions of grandeur… maximizing our egos at the cost of others. Am I upset? Yes I am… An idiot visited my website a couple of days ago and left a most ignorant, unwelcome, unsavory comment… Satan is prowling the internet… Users beware! By putting my blog out there I opened myself up to “that” kind of ignorance. I was not surprised but sadly disappointed by what I read inadvertently came into my home and stained my computer screen and my soul.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

At the Movies.. Curious George

I took the children to the movies this afternoon. I have not been to a movie theater since "Forest Gump" came out. I can't even count how many years ago that was. The first shock I got was the sticker shock.. $5.50 per child or adult! YIKES! Then on to the popcorn and sodas. The size of the jumbo drink! The size of the jumbo drink! The cost of the popcorn and sodas! I was reeling. Am I the only one who thinks that something is very wrong? I completely refuse to buy into the necessity of eating while at the movies.. okay maybe a small popcorn between the kids and okay a small drink. Next onto the BK for a late lunch. Total cost of out outing $45.00 and that is with me getting a small hamburger, no drink.. for my lunch. Next time I'll by 4 DVDs off ebay and a box of unpopped corn.

The movie was cute, but can't decide which age group enjoyed the movie the most. The baby slept, the 3 year old played with her chair, the 5 year old almost slept (she said the movie was too loud for her to sleep) and the 12 year old thought the movie cute. I think they make kids movies way too long these days. 86 minutes is too much for anyone younger than 4. In my humble opinion.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

The Laundry War Continues

The much anticipated results are in. The culprit is unveiled... It is ......... Mr. T.... my 12 year old son. He had 12 shirts, four sweat shirts/sweaters and more than seven pairs of socks... He didn't have an explanation for the excess laundry. The 3 year old was next with her 5 different PJs in one week, the 5 year old had all her numbers perfect. Next week I hope that he can be more aware of what he throws into the laundry. I suspect some of the clothes were clean and instead of putting clothes up he opts to throw them in the laundry basket. I decided to go ahead and do the kids laundry today and save the rest for friday. Hopefully this will make it more bearable.

Next I am declaring war on the kitchen sink and the huge load of dishes I wash daily.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

World Day of Prayer

"World Day of Prayer is a worldwide movement of Christian women of many traditions who come together to observe a common day of prayer each year, and who, in many countries, have a continuing relationship in prayer and service."

I forgot we had a practice session this afternoon… so Laundry had to wait. The service was written by the women of South Africa. It is moving and very poignant. If you get a chance please attend a service and support the woman in South Africa through your prayers.

Although they (South African women) survived apartheid, they are dealing with HIV/AIDs, poverty and hunger. It is a well written beautiful service and the music adds to the experience. World Prayer Days is scheduled to place in March 3rd. More information can be found at http://www.worlddayofprayer.net/
Talking about HIV/AIDs in Africa, I would really recommend watching or renting the movie “Yesterday” (2004). This movie puts faces on the HIV/AIDs epidemic in Africa.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Where's the Chicken

I finally back on my weekly dinner menu- Still a work in progress

Sunday: Baked Chicken (Chicken Wings)
Monday: Soup Nite (Italian Meatball Soup)
Tuesday: Rice Dish
Wednesday: The Other white Meat (Pork Ribs)
Thursday: Free
Friday: PIZZA Nite
Saturday: Pasta


Monday Dinner Menu: Baked Chicken Teriyaki Chicken Wings, Potato Pancakes, and a Normandy Mix of vegetables. (I swapped Sunday and Monday night menus)

I can not remember buying chicken parts in Kenya. A packet of chicken wings…? Unheard of... Or a “family pack” of chicken thighs. When I was growing up, everyone had their favorite part of the chicken; somehow I got stuck with the drumstick. All kids loved the drumstick. I remember a couple times when the chicken feet were put on plate… Not much there. In this culture chicken feet are considered gross- I saw them once on “Fear Factor”; now that’s an episode I would have won. Not much of the chicken went uneaten from the head to the feet. I can’t imagine doing that though in my home. I’d be stuck with parts left untouched. How would the children react to seeing the chicken head bobbing around in the stew? They would be scarred for life…

Tuesday is my new laundry day. Stay tuned for the results of the laundry war!

Thrift Store Bargains

Occasionally I like to stop in at the local thrift store to see what I may find. I was actually looking for play pants for my 12 year old. He is so rough on his pants that I decided to be buying his play pants from the thrift store. I made away like a bandit. I found a beautiful warm hooded Ralph Lauren coat... just my size. A couple of new T shirts for my groom a cute Disney princess sweat shirt and pants for the five year old and couple of jeans for the 12 year old. I also bought some snow suits for babies (I am donating them and the other ones I have been collecting to the Birthright home in Sidney, NY – story for another day). I also bought some Rugrat videos for the children and two stainless steel frying pans. I spent a little over 40 bucks. An hour well spent. The only problem was hauling the goodies, carrying a baby and holding two hands while trying to cross main street back to the van. Somehow we managed.

Shopping at thrifts store as far as I am concerned is adventure that I thoroughly enjoy. I know a lot of people sneer and frown at my commitment to shop there. If I had the same bounty of goodies at the mall, I’d be a couple hundred dollars in the hole. And for what purpose exactly? I detest shopping at the Mall. Too much going… the people, the lights the store. “Mallaitis” always sets in. I get completely zoned out and can’t bring myself to focus on anything. The well pressed and arranged clothes… perfect; perfection is not for me, I get nervous. I avoid new and perfect clothes, this allows me to I avoid stressing over the kids ruining their new clothes. Even if money wasn’t a factor I’d still shop at the thrift store. Where else would I find the older Cookbooks with the great recipes, or folk song music sheets for a dime a piece, discarded Wilton baking pans in the shape of bugs bunny (that cost a fortune online) or the eclectic dishes that don’t match exactly but reflect my personality. Rows and rows of ladies tops in all colors and styles, jeans already broken in, a straw hat…perfect for working in the yard. The list goes on and on.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Sunny Sunday.. Recipes and more

What a beautiful sunny Sunday we are having... even though it is 18F outside; too cold for the planned outing... We were going to the NYS ice sculpting Championship in Cooperstown, NY, but it is too cold. Maybe we will catch it next year.

Everyone that knows me knows I LOVE to cook. I think I’ll be sharing some of my better hit or miss recipes here. I made a beautiful Frittata for lunch today. The kids loved it. It wasn't too hard to make and it made a perfect Sunday lunch dish. We usually attend Coffee hour after church where the ids eat cake or cookies and drink lots of juice. SO they aren’t really hungry for lunch. I therefore make something “brunch-ish” that is simple and not too filling. I served it with side of Papaya. It was the just the right portion.

Here is the recipe

Simple Frittata

4 medium potatoes
2 Onions
6 Eggs (beaten)
Half Red Bell
Salt and Pepper to taste
Butter for cooking
Olive Oil

Peel and chop the potatoes into small cubes (whatever size suits your fancy). Rinse the potatoes and dry them on a paper towel. Toss them in about two table spoons of olive oil. Put them in a microwave safe bowl and cook on high for approximately 5 minutes. Toss the potatoes every minute to make sure they cook evenly. Then fry the precooked potatoes to a golden brown in a skillet that won’t stick. I use a well seasoned iron skillet. Remove the potatoes with a slotted spoon. Add the onion and pepper mixture to the pan, fry to a golden brown also. Remove from the pan. AT this point I cleaned off the bottom of the pan removing all stuck on potatoes etc. Put about 2 tables spoons butter to pan (mid high), return the onions and potatoes mixture to the pan, then pour the eggs of over the mixture. I picked the side up and let the egg roll under for a couple of minutes (How you’d cook and omelet). Put a tight cover over the skillet and turn the heat to med and cook for 2 more minutes or so until softly set. Sprinkle some vinegar over the eggs and then turn onto a plate. I cut the Frittata into 8 wedges.

The kids and adults loved the frittata. Sorry I am not good with portions I usually eyeball everything. Next time I’ll add bacon bits or chopped ham.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

What's for Dinner?

I used to be so organized. I sat down and drew out a weekly menu down to the desserts. I fashioned my grocery shopping list after this list. Lately I have been a slacker. I know I should start this all over again because I am sitting here trying to figure out what i can cook for dinner that will only take an hour to cook! I am drawing a blank. Tonight I will start the menu again. We all need organization for a more efficient life.

The groundhog was right!

One February 2nd, Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow predicting six more weeks of winter. If he had not seen his shadow spring would have been round the corner. DO you know that Phil sees his shadow 90% of time? This year I believe him, winter seems to be kicking into high gear later this year. When I got up this morning it was 12F (-11C) outside and the temperature is dropping (down to 10F (-12C) already). It is hard to understand how I can bear to live in such cold after growing up in the tropics. Kenya is going through their hot/dry spell. I miss that heat sometimes... I miss “Africa Hot”. I miss lying on the soft grass under the shade of hibiscus bush basking. I tried basking here the US, what a joke that turned out to be. Everyone thought I was trying to catch a tan! I just love feeling the heat of the sun. These are nice thoughts for a cold day. We are indoors today. First on the agenda are our Saturday morning chores, which normally take a two hours. Lunch follows at about 1 pm. The children make their own lunch – they really enjoy doing this. I bought them a children’s cookbook for Christmas. The afternoon will be interesting. I am organizing a scavenger hunt for the afternoon. I’ll be back with the details later.

The memorial service was nice. Aunty would have loved it, as the kids misbehaved. She loved hearing about children having fun in church services; the baby talked the entire time and the three year old bounced on her seat, on the kneelers and on the floor. She was very wound up... still turbo charged. Father gave a very beautiful homily. He quoted Stephen Hawkins "Even if there is only one possible unified theory, it is just a set of rules and equations. What is it that breathes fire into the equations and makes a universe for them to describe?" Such powerful words… I decided then and there that I needed to read more of Stephen Hawkins writings. After the service the Knights of Columbus served us a nice dinner. It was a comforting spending time with the people that knew Aunty.

Friday, February 17, 2006

Are all 3 year olds like this..

My daughter gets turbo charged. She runs all around the room- like shes driven by some unseen force. Unravelling all my hard cleaning jobs, unfolding my laundry. Shes relentless and she never gets tired. The rest of us can't keep up. I have tried various activities to keep her busy- nothing works. She sits still for only one thing "Sponge Bob Square Pants" Go figure

Remembering the rain in Kenya

I am seeing the rain outside and remember when I was in Standard 7 (US equivalent 7th Grade) growing up in Nairobi, Kenya. It was the year I was supposed to take the CPE or Certificate of Primary Education – exam children in standard 7 took across the nation, this exam determined if you went to high school and which high school you went. Talk about feeling the pressure; I was only 11 years old. That April Nairobi experienced excessive rainfall. It rained night and day for more than a week. The much anticipated rain turned into a serious flooding issue. One that particular day I was walking home from school. I lived a mere 10 minute walk from school (So much for my “I walked 10 miles to school, uphill both ways). The short cut home led us through the soccer field (“Down the Field” as it was known as) over the school fence, across a ditch, then you crossed a street, walked up a path that went up between some homes with dense thicket on both sides and then finally you were on our street. The ditch after all the rain was over flowing and had turned into a fast flowing stream. I remember having walked all the way to the field, and climbed over the fence and hearing the water the ditch. I had to make a choice to try and cross the fast flowing water or walk the long way home. This meant back tracking to the front of the school and following the road home (30 minute walk). I did what most 11 year olds would do. I took a few steps back and gave myself room for a running start. No second thought to it at all. I remember how fast my heart beat as I raced towards the stream and leapt into the air. It’s all in slow motion when I think of it now. If only I had held my feet in air just a tad longer.. If only I had run faster.. If only.. If only. Yes you guessed it, I did not make it across. I could swim either. I landed on the far edge of the ditch within inches of solid ground. I feel back into the swift stream and the water started pulling me down stream. The funny thing is I didn’t panic.. I struggled to find something to hold on to. It felt like a long time later, ways down stream but it was only about 100 yards down stream I managed to clamber out. I ran home my school uniform soaked and muddy. I never told anyone about that caper.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

So far today...

Have I mentioned how much I love living in upstate New York. Its real rural here most of my friends cringe at the thought of being an hour from a decent mall or 35 minutes from target. Doesn't bother me at all! Every time I get in the van to drive anywhere its always a pleasant drive, no traffic just beautiful scenery. Breathtaking views from some of the hilltops, deer galore and flocks of turkeys. I love my drives.
As I type it 50F outside and the sun is out, what a beautiful day. I took the gals to their preschool this morning. Its takes me 15 minutes to get out the door. This ritual incldes getting socks and shoes on (mine, my one year old, and my three year old). Then sweaters followed by coats, hats and glove. Then having to carry the one year old, hold the thre years olds hand, carry my purse and a diaper bag. All this while watching for icy spots on the side walk. No wonder my arms are HUGE and muscular! I got there 2 minutes late like I always do. Next week I'll start getting everyone ready five minutes earlier to see if I can get there 3 minutes early. I doubt I'll get there any earlier.
I went to the liquor store to get some Chianti (we love our chianti) and decided to get myself some tequila (I have an taste for a margarita today). The sad news is.. I did not get carded! Okay so I am almost 20 years legal but for some reason I was constantly being carded... Not anymore... OH well its was fun while it lasted.. I need to look more closely at my face- maybe I am starting to wrinkle.. I need some Botox (who on earth came up with that name?- reminds me of a piece of my anatomy that relented to gravity 5 years ago and drooped) .. Well its lunch time, going for the stand by spaghetti-Os.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Tips for Eating Out with Children

Make sure that the:

· Kids are not too hungry- I had given a snack at 4ish, so the kids didn’t have the restlessness associated with being overly hungry.
· Are well rested-the Baby was tired which made her restless.
· Have some paper and crayons to keep then entertained- the kids colored and drew. Actually I was the only mom who remembered. So, while we were waiting for dinner I had all the kids at my table.
· Food is child friendly- we had Roast beef, baked potatoes, carrots, salad and manicotti appetizer. Not very child friendly. They ate their appetizer and they were done. I spent the meal keeping them calm and in their seats.
· Atmosphere is child friendly- there were other kids about making a ruckus. That helped with the child friendly atmosphere. Sometimes you take your kids out to a posh restaurant and people glare at you and cringe when you sit next to them. It is almost like when you on a long flight and a family with small children sit next to you. Time for aspirin

The whole experience was a success as far as the children’s behavior went. I of course as usual didn’t get to eat. I was holding the baby trying to keep her calm. Normally my groom helps but he had to wash dishes. (It was a fundraiser dinner). I have experience eating alone with four kids though. One January 1st I took them to a wedding and reception.. Talk about being brave.

Laundry Battle Part 1 (and a half)

What was I thinking... Letting the kids dictate? The laundry baskets are back up and I have been staying on top of it. The kids are now excited about it. In a matter of days we will see who the laundry hog is.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Confession Tuesday

I have been feeling very tired lately. A tiredness that weighs heavily on you. I know it is not physical because if someone suggested something exciting like shopping for kitchen gadgets I’d be first in that line. Okay so I am weird, I love shopping for kitchen gadgets. The limiting factor is that I have a small kitchen with little storage room. My tiredness I think is the Stay at home Mommy who can’t keep a clean house burnout syndrome. It is when you find yourself loosing your cool over simple things, when you put off doing your chores and errands, when the TV and DVD player become your substitute sitter and nothing sounds interesting. Days like this I wish I could lock myself in my bedroom for a couple of hours and sleep. But truth be told, I probably wouldn’t rest, my bedroom needs help. I have three piles of laundry that need to be put away and dressers that need to be organized. So my bedroom isn’t as inviting. Maybe that’s the problem; the disorganization around me. If I get ahead with the laundry and other chores maybe I’ll have some real free time. On that note I am off to get the laundry started .. Again

Happy Saint Valentines Day

Saint Valentine was a priest who lived back in the days when christians were being persecuted. The Emperor at the time went to war and wanted all unwed men to sign up to be a part of the war. Turns out Father Valentine was secretly performing marriage ceremonies keeping the young men from the war. The emperor was angry and had him arrested and sentenced to death. Young lovers visited Fr. Valentine and gave him flowers. Legend has it that when Valentine was imprisoned her had regular visitor- the jailer’s daughter. One the day he was to be put to death he signed his last note to his friend “from your valentine”

No matter what we believe the origins for St. Valentine’s Day, it is still a day to celebrate love. I reminded my Sunday school kids that our love should extend well beyond the bounds of family and friends but strangers as well. We made cards to give along with goodies for the food bank. Showing our love for strangers in need. I keep going back to the beginning of Mother Teresa epic life. When she saw the beggar at the train station asking for her help…. And in his face she saw Christ. Once you change your thinking and have a paradigm shift, and start feeling that love for everyone.. It is a life altering experience.

We made Valentine Cards for the kindergarten kids (My daughter’s class). She had fun labeling every card. They were cute elephant cards and we glued a small pink puzzle game into every card. No candy please! My son bought flowers for a girl in his grade. My dear sweet neighbor from across the street brought the kids their treats. She had a gift bag with candy and toys for each kid. Now how sweet was that! As a family we are going to a St. Valentines Day dinner sponsored by the Knights of Columbus. I am looking forward to it although I know I will be working (setting tables, serving the older folks.. basically giving the woman’s touch). I was thinking about baking heart cookies with the kids today, I still may do it. In between laundry loads..

Well have a happy St. V Day!.

Laundry War Part Zero

Now thats funny, the war that never was. First the children ignored my well set up baskets, and they even ignored their rewards. Too smart for that. I am to blame too, I was too busy to stay on top of it. SO I need a new strategy. I decided to do laundry today (bringing laundry days to 2 days a week). I put in the first load and completely forgot about it till I started writing in my blog. The thought of folding and putting away clothes has me procastinating finishing off the laundry. There has to be another way. I'll keep you updated.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Laundry War Part I

I have three side by side laundry bins. Normally by friday they are over flowing to the floor. We must attack this problem head on! So I called for a family kids meeting. I laid out my plan. The five year old was concerned about her sisters-- how are they going to read their name. (Each Laundry basket has been assigned to a child with a name above the basket/bin). This morning I noticed that one bin is already filled. It has been 3 days since I did the laundry. No-one used their assigned basket. I think I'll issue coupons for "dessert of choice" for everyone that sucessfully uses their basket for three days (to start of with). A nice bribe.
I still have two laundry loads to put away.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

A Milestone

Well my oldest got her ears pierced today. She was under the impression that it would tickle. So as she sat patiently for more than 30 minutes for the gals to get her pierced, i didn't say a word. Finally as the deed was done, she cringed but didn't cry. She now has cubic zarconia studs. Yeah for her. I must add she looks so grown up, shes only5.

Laundry and more laundry



This is a weeks worth of laundry (minus one load). What is going on here! I have decided to crack the laundry case. ALl kids are getting their own laundry basket. I need to find out who the culprit is-- this is way too much washing, folding and putting away!

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

I have been inspired

my friend Andrea has a beautiful artistic website. I LOVE it. I wish I had half as much talent as she does. SHe paints and she is good, actually great. I wish I had a gallery I would definately show her work. SO yesterday I thought to myself, I should start drawing. I used to draw a long time ago, mostly plants, flowers that kind of stuff. Must be my love of gardening inspired. Yesterday I spent 30 minutes skecthing my 5 years olds face. She has a perfect little face. She had a fun time posing for me. She really liked her sketch and I told me I made her look like princess! I gave it to her after all it was hers. She wanted to take it to school but i guess she figured it needed color. She started coloring the face yellow, decided she wasn't yellow, then went on to brown and decided that was too dark. She really frustrated coz she can't figure out her color! (thats a whole different story). After all that coloring you could barely make out the potraits features, so she drew back her her nose and mouth. I must say she did a bang up job for a 5 year old.

Back to business

In an attempt to get back to the business of living..I created a childrens space in my livingroom. I used their bookshelves and toy storage racks as the room dividers. They love their little room within the room. Its their space and their responsibility to keep neat. It also controls the spill of the toys into what I call the adult living room area. I hope this works. My next task is to create an art and crafts corner for them.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

How are we coping..

I can't lie, I am sad. An opressive sadness, it envelopes me and suffocates me. I cleaned out the fridge downstairs. I saw things that AUnty had bought carefully and thoughtfully. I looked into the room where her spirit left her.. and I was sadenned by its emptiness. The emptiness is deafening. I miss her smile, her cursing the sound of her walker, her tenacity. WHo would have thought.
At the store today I shopped with the deliberation she taught me. She would have fussed at ne though, I forgot my shopping list. SHe always had a shoping list which she meticulously followed. I wrote one too but most of the time it never made it into the store. THat used to aggravate her... in an amusing way. She had a way of watching an observing people behaviors... she noted that I never left the house without having to run back upstairs .. I always forgot something.. She always complained that I was always changing the baby's clothes.... and that everytime the baby cried I said the same thing "shes tired".
Anyway thats where I am today sad and remembering.
over and out.

Auntys Obit

Nancy Bowers taught Social Anthropology at The University of Auckland from 1972 through to her retirement about 1993. Before coming to Auckland from the U.S. she had taught at Duke University in North Carolina and at Washington State University in Pullman, WA. Her Phd was gained at Columbia University in New York under Margaret Mead. During her studies, she was said to have integrated by force of personality, and confrontation, a New York pub which did not welcome women. Her research field was the Hagen area of highland Papua New Guinea, and along with Ralph Bulmer, Max Rimoldi, and Robin Hide in the 1970s she established Papua New Guinea studies at Auckland. Her field of special expertise there and generally in the Pacific was ethnobotany, complementing Ralph Bulmer’s studies in ethnozoology.
In the 1970s Nancy brought her mother, paralysed with a stroke in New Jersey, to New Zealand to nurse through to her death a few years later. Nancy herself had only a couple of cousins left, scattered in the U.S. However, she had a whole clan in PNG outside Hagan. Her clan brother Pundia with his family visited us in Auckland for several months, and became well-known around the University. Nancy got him a job with the gardeners, who teased him for shameless rate-breaking. One of the first things he had done upon arriving in Auckland was to get a colourful tattoo of a naked lady the length of his black and muscular arm, and later regaled all listeners with tales of war in the Highlands, showing off his spear scars to Tuhoe in Ruatahuna, as well as the New Caledonian Hotel on upper Symonds Street. Nancy was later bereft when Pundia died of malaria in the Highlands, but kept in close touch with his family.
Nancy was chosen by her students at Auckland as an outstanding teacher, and was known among the many graduates she supervised as an inspiring and unpretentious lecturer, encouraging and tirelessly supportive of their research goals. Her lectures were earthy, anecdotal, and undramatically iconoclastic, her stubborn smoker’s cough eased by continual sips of cough medicine (she had lost one lung to cancer at age 18, but was characteristically undeterred and continued smoking). Her office, overflowing with a clutter of books and field paraphernalia, was open to her students at all hours. Nancy was notoriously staunch in speaking truth to power, and was avoided by those in the University who liked to wield their authority. She did not mince words, especially four-letter ones, with either students or vice-chancellors. Through the mid- and late 1980s she was one of the so-called gang-of-four who attempted, quietly from within, to reform Social Anthropology, the founding and dominant section of the Department.
About 1993 Nancy decided to retire, and we were all taken by surprise that she was already 65 years old. She continued to live in her remodeled state house in Sandringham, involved with graduate students and friends especially from New Guinea, Fiji, and Tonga. By August 2000 she had decided to move back to the U.S., to live in Jacksonville, Florida with Donald Blake, an old boyfriend and another research botanist.
Although she was contemptuously impatient with any expression of sympathy or offer of assistance, Nancy’s spine had begun to deteriorate from the radiation treatment her lungs had received in her youth, and she was losing control of one leg. Donald had lost a leg in an accident as a young man, and together they made a good team. When Lois and I visited them in Jacksonville in 2003, it was clear that Nancy had again fallen deeply in love, and Donald was a very happy man. In July 2005 they moved to live with Donald’s nephew’s family in Schenevus, New York, and Nancy again had a family around her. She had actually finally stopped smoking, and her cough disappeared. The New York winter was not as severe as she had feared. Her new family had become very close, and sitting with her once asked if she knew how much they loved her; she blushed, and said yes, she did. Knowing this, those of us who thought of Nancy as crusty, might now know better. However, early this January she discovered she had colon (not lung) cancer. She declined rapidly and died at home, from a lung clot, surrounded by her new family on 29 January, aged 78 years.
A few days before she died, calling from Great Barrier Island Lois and I were able to talk with Nancy in the hospital. In response to Lois’s query how she was doing, she responded quietly that she was dying. I urged her to be kind to the nurses, and got a chuckle out of her. She said she had been able to contact her old friend Father Joe at the Kiripia Mission in Hagen, PNG. She had long admired his impartiality in clan conflicts, and when in the Highlands frequently visited him at the Mission. Any momentos or donations in Nancy’s name should be sent to Father Joe there in care of the Divine Word Missionaries.
commentary by Steven Webster, Social Anthropology, The University of Auckland 1972-1998.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

the tornadoes vortex

My husband I feel like we were sucked into the vortex of a tornado. Swirled around for a few weeks, then just dropped off at the curb.. just like that. the storm went on left us behind dealing with its wake. I feel so tired and so unmotivated to do anything. Yesterday I went shopping bought DVDs for the kids and leapfrog cartridges. The kids loved them. The oldest gal however is showing fear of the dark. Typical reaction to greiving for a loved one. We are planning on sending them to Bereavement Camp- Hospice sponsored. We are still making calls to feinds about AUnty, it will take a while to get the information out, she has friends all over the world. Mass for her will be said Feb 17. We are also setting up a memorial fund in her name. The money goes to Father Joe who runs a mission in Papua New Guinea. I think she will like that. What an amazing woman though.. touched so many, yet she lived so humbly with us. Who would have known.
MBA Program
Find The Right MBA Program For You